Monday, August 6, 2012

This is not an original post created by me, but it is well worth sharing!

Subject:  The 5-Minute Management Course (six lessons)

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.  The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. 
Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.  When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'
'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies.
'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

Lesson 2:

A priest offered a nun a lift.  She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.  The priest nearly had an accident. 
After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.  The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'  The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.  The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'
The priest apologised 'Sorry, sister, but the flesh is weak.'

Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129.  It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'

Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Lesson 3:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.  They rub it and a Genie comes out.

The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'

'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff!   She's gone.

'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep.  'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'  Puff!  He's gone.

'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

Moral of the  story:
Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 4

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.  A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'  The eagle  answered: 'Sure, why not.'

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 5

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree,' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull.  They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.  The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.  Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.  He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Lesson 6

A little bird was flying south for the winter.  It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.  While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some  dung on him.  As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was.  The dung was actually thawing him out!  He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.  A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.  Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.

Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.

(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.

(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!


Thankfully I have not had to learn these lessons the hard way :-)

Thursday, March 24, 2011

When "The Studio" becomes "The Dungeon"

I had been cloistered away in my basement studio for weeks!! all to no avail.  Recently I changed the type of kiln shelves I am using for firing, and can only surmise that this has affected the success in the finish products, or should I be more explicit the lack of success.  It is so very frustrating to put in all that effort and expense (I don’t paint on cheap glass) and be dissatisfied.  I recently converted to fibreboard shelves and have experienced etching on the underside of the painted glass. I made this conversion because I have two shelves in my kiln and to maximize the consistency in firing between the shelves I must rotate them during the hold time of the firing.  Ceramic shelves get too hot and heavy to rotate with any ease, and whiting filled shelf trays can kick up dust onto the not totally fired glass during rotation.  I experimented with new test firings using different shelf mediums like fibrepaper and whiting, changed temperatures and hold times all with inconsistent results.  In some cases the glass suffered no ill effects then in later firings with precisely the same conditions I experienced a repeat of the problem.  Thank goodness for electronic kiln controls because I can rule that out from the equation.

Never-the-less after over a week of moping around the house tonight I intend to go back down to “The Dungeon” (that’s what I call my studio when my projects are unsuccessful) and give it another try. 

If anyone has experience with this type of etching, please drop me a line. When I resolve this issue I'll be sure to post and save anyone else the heartache.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

I Have a Confession to Make

At 57 years of age I swear, I have never told anyone what I am going to share right now.   No one, not even my family, knows about this.  I was young, very young, just learning to ride a tricycle for the first time when I broke the neighbour’s stained glass window.  In a reckless fit of physical ineptitude I put the front wheel right through the basement window.  My little friend who owned the trike was aghast! (her father wasn’t too thrilled either).  I still remember those cruel words she spoke:  “Why did you have to break the pretty window, why didn’t you break one of the other ones.” 

This incident probably sparked the two defining characteristics of my life.  Forever after, I have viewed myself as a klutz, and to atone for my sins I have worked relentlessly to become a damn good stained glass artist.

(The truth of the matter is:  it wasn’t a real stained glass window, it must have been a silk screened design put on the glass, because with real stained glass the lead would have held the broken glass pieces together!!!)

Saturday, November 6, 2010

New Beginnings

Today I start a new chapter!  I am attempting to take this private persona that I have for so long protected and emerge from my cocoon to present myself to the world.